Mirage
by winter machine
Summary: Picks up after Amelia tells Addison she's pregnant.  Addison has some news of her own, and not everything is as it seems.


FMS prompt. Picks up at the end of this week's episode and then goes in a different direction, and will contain multiple chapters. This is a dark one; consider yourself warned.

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><p><em><strong>Mirage<strong>_

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><p><em>Amelia knows only one thing: that she's terrified. If she ever wondered whether she wanted this baby, whether she could love this child, she has no questions now.<em>

_"Addison, please...I can't do this..."_

_"Amelia, listen to me." Addison's right in her face, her hands on her cheeks. Tears spill out of Amelia's eyes and a groan of pain escapes her. "You listen to me. I am not going to let anything happen to you or this baby. Do you understand me?"_

_"No ... it's too early..."_

_"It's early." Addison's voice is grim. "But it's going to be fine. It's me, Amelia, remember? I've delivered much smaller babies. I'm not going to lose this one."_

_"It hurts," she moans. "It hurts too much, Addie..."_

_"You're in labor, sweetheart. It's going to hurt, but you can do this. I promise you."_

_Her breath is coming in little gasps. "You can't - make promises - to patients-"_

_"You're not my patient. You're my sister. I'm Aunt Addie, remember? Breathe, Amelia. Nice, slow breaths. I am right here and you can do this."_

_"It hurts ... Addison, please..." The purest of animal urges, to protect her young, courses through her with another searing pain. "Help me!"_

_"You're strong." Addison's touching her face again, cool hands on the heat. "You are going to be fine. You are both going to be fine. You stay with me, Amelia, do you hear me? You stay with me."_

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><p><em><strong>three months earlier<strong>_

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><p>Amelia's scared.<p>

And it's not because of the life inside her that's growing harder to conceal. Not now. Not that she's made the decision to bring this child into the world. It still scares her, of course, for the future - the looming specter of someday. She's afraid of the moment she'll have to look into the baby's blue eyes and think of Ryan and everything they'll never have. She'll have to tell Ryan's child, someday, why he's not there.

Anyone would be terrified by that.

But the immediate fear is smaller and, in some ways, even closer to her heart. The source of the immediate fear is sitting in her office right now just a few feet away from Amelia. Her former sister-in-law - no, her sister, more of a sister than her blood relations ever were - who's been trying desperately for a baby. Amelia stops, leans against the wall, tries to gird herself. Can she do it? Can she look into Addison's eyes and break her heart? She seems so fragile these days, like another crack could make her fall apart. Amelia bites her lip, fights back tears. Addison should be the pregnant one. She wants a baby. She _deserves_ a baby.

Guilt floods her. This fatherless child, this surprise life inside of her, this gift Addison's been chasing that so cruelly eludes her at every turn. She knows it's not fair.

And it's not like Amelia wanted one! Or even considered it. Didn't she always take every precaution, at least when she was sober? An OB-GYN sister, a fetal surgeon sister-in-law - she made it through her twenties without a single scare despite being - okay, well, kind of slightly somewhat promiscuous. Sometimes.

Life's just unfair, isn't it? She never wanted a baby. And now she's going to have one. Addison wants one desperately and can't seem to get one. And if she doesn't tell her soon - Amelia shakes her head at the thought. Addison _can't_ find out from someone - or something - else.

But she can't keep it a secret forever.

She runs a hand over her midsection, already somewhat wider than she's used to. There's no question her breasts are bigger and she could swear Addison noticed the night before, when they bumped into each other in the hall, new flesh swelling out of Amelia's flimsy tank top.

_Man up, Amy. Go get it done. _

It's not like she's never had difficult conversations with Addison before. There was the time she borrowed - okay, stole - Addison's silk negligee and traded it for the cigarettes Kelly Miller pilfered from her dad, and then had to explain everything when Kelly's mom called the house. Then there was the time she borrowed - okay, stole - Derek's prized antique car and wrapped it around a tree and then couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that Derek wouldn't see her. She just held Addison's hand then and asked her, over and over, where he was. Yeah, that had been a fun one. And there was rehab - the first time - with all its screaming and tears and accusations. Not to mention the time she'd had to sit Addison down and let her know she'd seen her with her brother's best friend in less than friendly circumstances. Addison had cried then; would she cry now?

Probably.

Amelia rubs a hand across her eyes. It's just that it's _Addison._ She doesn't want to hurt her. She never has. It's too easy these days, her big eyes swimming with tears at the slightest thing. Without Sam, she seems somewhat rudderless - Addie has always moored herself to the men around her, as Amelia knows. Now she's floating and Amelia's terrified this news will make her sink.

She takes another deep breath when a voice interrupts her. "Amelia, you heading home?"

She looks up to see Sheldon.

"Uh, not yet. I need to take care of something."

He looks from her to Addison's office door, understanding dawning. "Right. Well, good luck."

She presses her lips together. "Thanks."

She waits for the elevator doors to close, then gathers everything she has, draws the deepest breath her lungs can offer and walks in, asking Addison if she can talk to her.

Immediately she sees Addie's fear. The wide eyes, her anxious tone. _She thinks I'm using. _She hastens to correct the assumption.

"I'm, uh, I'm pregnant." But then she can't keep her face from crumpling, the guilt overwhelming her. " Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I know how hard you've tried and I know it's not fair-"

"Just stop. Stop." Addison covers her mouth with her hand for a heartbreaking moment, then holds Amelia away for a moment, strong fingers on her shoulders. Amelia watches her take a deep breath and then speak slowly, deliberately, her next words a shock: "I am so happy for you."

_Happy? _Amelia swallows a sob, waiting for an explosion, but it never comes.

"Amelia! You're having a baby!" She sounds - genuinely happy. And Addie's holding her again, the sweet relief of those familiar arms. Oh god. Is it possible that everything really just might be okay?

"I was so worried about how you'd - but I shouldn't have been." Exhaustion and gratitude leave her babbling. "You're incredible, Addie, and I'm so glad I told you, I'm so glad you know-"

"Amelia, listen to me." Addison takes her arms gently, moves her away. "I love you and I am happy for you, period. But I-" Addison covers her mouth with her hand again and Amelia realizes she misinterpreted that gesture the last time. It wasn't tears Addison was covering, but a smile. Curious, Ameila nods, encouraging her to speak.

"I'm even happier because-" Addison looks down then, almost shyly.

"What is it, Addie?"

"Because I'm - Amelia, I'm pregnant, too."

"What?" Amelia shrieks, clapping her hand over her mouth. "Seriously? Addie, I can't believe it!"

Addison nods, the tears in her eyes spilling over. "I could hardly believe it either."

"How- how long?"

"Twenty weeks."

"Just like me!" Amelia shakes her head with wonder. "It was - you mean Thanksgiving, when you took that test? It was wrong."

"Right. And, you know," Addison looks down. "It almost didn't feel real, I just didn't want to tell anyone until I was absolutely sure that everything was okay."

"I understand. Of course." Amelia takes a deep breath. "I just can't believe you kept this to yourself - does anyone know?"

"You're the first ... Auntie Amelia."

Amelia closes her eyes for a second. "I love the sound of that."

Addison's grinning when Amelia opens her eyes. "Yeah, I do too."

"A baby. Two babies!" Amelia squeals, she can't help herself. "Addie, you have to catch me up on everything. Everything! I'm so sorry I wasn't there."

"I will," Addison laughs. "And it doesn't matter, Amelia, because you're here now."

Amelia shakes her head again. "It's just - I can't believe it. I wish I could have been there to see the sonograms and hold your hand and hear the heartbeat and-" Amelia's crying now, she can't help it, and then they're hugging again, tears mingling.

"Oh, Addie, I'm so happy for you. So, so happy."

Addison holds her tightly. "I'm happy for both of us."

"This is great." Amelia inhales the comforting smell of Addison's perfume, lets the weight of her guilt disappear. "It's amazing. It's - it's like a dream."

"...come true," Addison finishes. She lets out another laugh that sounds oddly like a sob and they stand together in Addison's office, holding each other tightly.


End file.
